Never Ending
by xoUntilxoKingdomxoComexo
Summary: Danny asked me something today... He asked what I would say to you if I had the chance. I told him that I didn't know. I do know, but there's so much that I want to say that I wouldn't know where to start...


**This is kind of sad I guess. Kind of uses Taylor Swift's Our's. It's basically a letter that a wife writes to her husband who's died from cancer. It would be really cool if you let me know if you worked out who it was before it says at the end of the letter (which is cheating) or if you just liked it or made you cry or whatever -Enjoy!**

**xoUntilxoKingdomexoComexo**

Danny asked me something today... He asked what I would say to you if I had the chance. I told him that I didn't know. I do know, but there's so much that I want to say that I wouldn't know where to start...

But, I'll begin with 'I love you and God, I miss you'. You became such a big part of me and my life that I didn't want to let you go. I still don't. Even now, I struggle to comprehend the fact that you're not in my life anymore and that breaks my heart, time and time again. I'm lost, and I don't know what to do without you. I need to keep going though. You were everything that I didn't want but you ended up as everything that I didn't know I needed. You were so sweet and so loving. Annoying as hell too sometimes, but that's one of the things I loved the most about you. Your annoying-ness always managed to make me laugh, even when I was in floods of tears. I loved the way you always seemed to talk in riddles. You'd confuse the hell out of me but I still loved it.

People said that we wouldn't last, because I loved you too much. I fell for you so hard and so fast, but, is that really a bad thing? They said I was going to end up getting hurt. They were right, just not in the way they were anticipating. I knew what I was getting in to, despite what people said. I knew you had exes, who would be lurking in the shadows: judging me, waiting for me to mess up so that they could worm back into your life. You're faith in our relationship helped me block all of that out. You made me feel like in our little world, nothing mattered but us and how much we loved each other.

I hate taking the lift to or from our floor now. All the people who we used to talk to don't know what to say, so they just stand there; staring at the wall. It's like they're strangers. It makes me want to take the stairs. _The stairs!_ I hate the stairs! Sometimes, I imagine that you're by my side and I can hear you laughing at them and making little comments about how 'the lights are on but there's no-one home'. God, I miss you're laugh...

I hated they way people would say our relationship was wrong because you were my brother's friend and all that crap. They knew nothing about us or our relationship, but they felt that they had the right to speculate about it... I hated how everyone thought they knew more about _our_ _relationship_ than we did. It just doesn't make sense. It was our life, why couldn't they just let us live it. I remember you saying 'Don't you worry your pretty little mind' to me, when I started getting worked up about what people were saying about us. It was our life and it was our love and nothing could change that. You always had a way of eclipsing everything bad, if only for a little while, in a way that just made me feel like everything was going to turn out alright, you know?

My dad hated you, you know? You probably do know; he wasn't very subtle about it. All those snide little comments about your tattoos drove me crazy. Good job he never found out about mine, right? For the record, I loved your tattoos; you wouldn't be you without them.

I remember the last day. When someone's ill, you convince yourself that there's going to be this day when you get to say goodbye. There's not. Cancer can take a life as suddenly as a car accident. I wish that I hadn't had to see you go through that. It made my heart break daily. Why did you have to leave? Why did you have to die? I don't know if I can cope on my own... You told me that we'd never say goodbye because goodbyes are forever. You're gone, and we've said our goodbyes.

I try not to remember that day very often. It hurts too much. I remember the day we got married. A month after you proposed. You wouldn't know that though. The whole day was organised perfectly. Although, I can't take all the credit; the girls helped so much. I think they see it as their duty to help me or something because they are still helping me. It's annoying. We didn't really care about the day itself, did we? - As long as we were married at the end of it. There was only one thing that we were set on; we were getting married outside at dusk. It was so beautiful. You looked so handsome. As bad as it sounds, it's one of the last good memories I have before you got sick.

I'm going to try to move on without you in my life. That scares me more than anything. You taught me not to be afraid of fear, as strange as that sounds. Thanks to you, I know that the only way to move past something is to move through that which holds you back.

Now, it's time to put the past in the past. I'll never forget you, but I can't stop living in the past of you and me. You're gone; you've been gone for over a year, and I need get over that. I'll never stop loving you, Dougie, and I'll never stop missing you.

~ Ella Poynter


End file.
